Her unlucky incident. :(

Well, the case is quite special. Last two months, my girlfriend went to Cambodia with her friends for vacation trip. I keep in touch with her every day in phone. After that, the second day at Cambodia. She started to not feeling well, maybe she is having period and so on but she told me that she gets a very weird yet scary feeling inside her mind. Starting I am not really concern until it goes worst, she is a very tough girl who does not afraid of anything, but this time, she feels fears, she worried that she can't feel herself and decided to back early from Cambodia.

We tried many ways to make her feel better, but she is getting worst. Example like, she looks to a person/friend/family, and she feels that person weird and will suddenly bring her to another mind of thinking. It is quite complicated for me and I was suggested to look for doctors. But I could not figure out which doctor for her to visit. She told me that she can't feel me and she is not feeling well in her heart all the time, sometimes she can't feel herself and she knows that. 

I suspected she might be having derealization after some sort of research around, and do ask for some psychologist too. 

And recently, she decided to have temporary break up with me just because she don't want to hide her feelings and she don't want me to hurt for so deep, when she is having this problem, she do tell me that if anything happened to her, remember that her heart is actually still loving me. I am so sad of her incident seriously. :'(

She feels bad that she don't have feelings to me in a sudden, she don't want me to feel suffer so she leaves me and asked for temporary break and be friend. I can't accept the fact. We didn do anything wrong, before her incident gone worse, she told me before that she will not leaves me unless i betrayed her, i will be her only one and the last one. But then, when she got this suspected dp that she can't really feel anyone, she told me before that, no matter what happened to her or gone worse, please remember that she will always love me in her heart. :'(

After she requested for temporary break, we have badminton(Sports) session every Wednesday, but that day i was trying to ask about her and wanna have a talk with her one on one, but she was like afraid of me. Until her friend accompany, only she willing to talk with me with friend's accompany outside. She told me she not feeling well when she sees me and she don't know why, she feels so guilty and so afraid of me, and recently she deleted our facebook relationship status, sweet photos of us, instagram photos, and wechat moments. I don't really understand why she wanted to delete all these sweet memories. I am numb and i am trying to keep hold on my nerves for being patient and patient. Well, this is a tough task for me as i have to be tough enough to support her.

On 5th of November, the day after our monthsary, we have quarrel a while and i still cant hold my nerves! because I was wanna try to get her back but still useless, she said please give her time and space, don't force her anymore. Well in terms of giving her time and space, I have a lot of comments, some would say give her time and space by not contacting her until she feel misses me or needs me and then she will find me back. Some would say I must keep on contact with her to let her know that I will always support her and be by her side all the time but I worried that this will make her even worst. 

When time passes by, i felt a little bit open-minded eventhough the process keep on up and down, i was very depressed of myself, until i joined DP/DR Forum which can get to know more about people who suffered from DP/DR. Below words are one of the DP/DR person who gives comment to me.

"Coming from someone with DP I can understand why she'd take a break from you. Sometimes with DP you know you love someone deep down but you just don't feel it because your emotions are numbed. You just feel numb to everything, for example if you bought her gifts she'd have accepted them with thanks but deep down not cared because she's numb. There's nothing you can do to break this numbness. But here's what I suggest to do.

Call her and tell her you understand that she's numb right now, you understand that she's seeing you another way because of the DP but tell her that it's fine. Tell her you understand that DP can put you in a state where this happens, tell her you've spoken to me and others with DP that feel just like her and you're really trying to help. Tell her that you're okay having a break, but you want to stay in touch with her and help her anyway.  Don't be mistaken dude, she knows your love is geniuine she just cares for you and doesn't want to hurt you by being numb all the time. Tell her you're here to help her through it and also, so are we here at DPSELFHELP, it's a horrible condition and make sure she has all the support she can get.

Just make sure she knows you're not trying to force a relationship, you're not trying to fix things but you're here just to help her. She wants a break, so give her one. But always let here know that you're there to help as a friend foremost. Don't think too much about fixing things for the future, just try and support her in the now as a friend."

What he said is correct and sounds reasonable. Well I as her BF, i should not leave her alone by not contacting her at all and make her started to miss me, it is quite impossible because she is feeling numbed and lost any feeling and emotions, no matter how she will not text me and yet i should be tough enough to get to her, support her, be by her side, even as a friend for her, as long as she is feeling comfortable. I believe one day she will come back to her real ownself and finds me back.

Lastly, the most important is me. I am facing a tough task especially my patience and toughness, i should be tough and strong enough to keep in touch with her and let her feels that i will be there for help all the time. I think i should call her tonight and cares about her so she will feel supported. Hope everything will be alright and smooth. Just want her to be better. I love her, Amanda Cheesy. :')

10:42am

Tuesday

17/11/2015