Life

We laughed together
We cried together
We thought it would never end,
Through any kind of weather

And now that we’re friends,
It didn’t End
Happy birthday to someone I loved
And love…
My ex-girlfriend.
My best friend.

—

You used to be my girlfriend
And although I loved you then
I’ve seen you turn into
One of my most wonderful friends

So I’m here with you today to celebrate
Instead of look back and mourn
Today is the day God brought you to be
Happy Birthday, thanks for being born.

—

My ex-girlfriend is still my friend
Because she’s one of the best people I know
Someone I turn to when I’m feeling up
Someone who’s there when I’m feeling low

Through the years we’ve shared it all
As lovers, and as friends
Happy birthday to you my friend
I’m so glad our friendship didn’t end.

—

A long time ago we loved each other
And today we love each other steal
Just because it’s only a friendship now
Doesn’t mean the love was never real.

You were my best friend in times of trouble
A person who made me laugh and smile
Today I am here to hug you on your birthday
And thank you for staying in my life awhile.

—

When we said goodbye to our relationship,
We said hello to the most beautiful friends in the world
You continue to be the most awesome person I know
And you’re always a beautiful girl

Someone who changed my life
And gave me so many beautiful memories
That I will recall on this, her birthday
And always carry and hold close to me.

—

Happy birthday to my former girlfriend
We’re friends today because you’re great
A funny, warm, and caring woman
Who was brought to me by fate

To stay in my life and bless it
To be my friend no matter what they say
And it’s a pleasure for me to be with you
On this, a happy birthday.

—

I could never say in words how much I love you
In the past as a girlfriend, now as a best friend
You’ve given me so much joy
And always stuck with me to the end

I’m here today to hug you tight
And say thanks for always being there
Happy birthday to my one-time love
And forever best friend who cares.

—

We’re gonna have fun today like always
Laugh a lot and talk about old times
Back when we were together and in love
And how we came through just fine.

To remain the best of friends to this day
Cause you’re truly one of a kind
Happy birthday to my old girlfriend and best friend
She’s wonderful and I’m glad to have called her mine.

—

The good times and the bad times make us who we are
And we’ve truly lived through both together
Every single storm we’ve faced
Turned into fairer weather.

Today my ex-girl is celebrating her birthday
And I’m here as a friend to show I care
Thank you for being the wonderful person I know
Happy birthday, I promise to always be there.

The day before we go to Japan with friends, is your birthday. If we were still together, I was planning to give you a surprise by going to your house at midnight, apply all the purple balloon with chip and dale photo in it, ask your family and relatives to come if possible (because i know family is everything for you), then knock your door so that when you woke up and sees surprise everywhere with family celebrating for you, and I am the photographer that shoots all the photos, all your smiles with family, the joy and the surprise and the happiness.

But since we had break up peacefully, I decided not to give you present is just because I know you doesn't really matter about it, and my wishes and I know you would love to have peaceful, happy life all around you will do. My present to you, is to fulfill what you wants, which is to be friend back with you and stay happily and so on. I love you still, I don't know if one day my feelings to you will gone, but before the day arrived, I just hope that I can make you feel comfortable and happy by letting you go and do what you wants. This is what I hope for. Sincerely hope our Japan trip will be happy and fun!

Loving a person is that when you see the person you loved, stay happily and peacefully with herself, then you will be glad and happy too. And so do I right now. :)

Happy Birthday to my Ex, Amanda.

11:17AM
Friday 22/1/2016

Last Sunday we have a meet up for dinner. We settled out everything, the anxiety and the feelings she get in Cambodia is true, but it is entirely unrelated to our relationship/ or maybe a little bit, she said that last month she had almost fully recovered. Since she had move into full christian life, she had find peace and herself, and her attitude changed, she started to think of herself rather than think for others because in the past she was thinking for others only. Well, it might be good for her in the future.

Our relationship broken is due to attitude problem, maybe at the starting we should not be together, at that time she was stress at work, and she needs accompany and caring maybe, and i gave her all she wants, that time got other colleagues was chasing her and even better than me, but instead she choose me, maybe she just got all the feelings to me that time, and i believe when we were together, she was so in love with me, she admitted that, but when times passes, it comes to reality, she might thinks that i am immature enough for her, and i was thinking to love a person should have try to sustain and keep on going, but actually it wasn't, what she said is correct, maybe at the past i did something that she don't like but she keen to let me do so because she was only think for the others. But i am still wondering is the anxiety that she get in cambodia, after it gone, she feel so relief and wanna be herself, and don't want to be in a relationship at the moment, she can be so cruel of letting go of our relationship whereas i did nothing wrong so badly like betrayed her or something, just because i lost control or emotional unstable that leads her to that, well, it was my fault of lost control but it is normal for a person to lost control and quarrel with her when a person dont know whether is that anxiety or attitude that leads our relationship to this? I am innocent all the time and guilty and she don't want to give me the second chance anymore, i am so sad and i wanted to get her back, but now it is extreme hard.

We was in tears when we were talking, i can't let go of her, she feel guilty of dragging our relationship for the beginning until the end, she stays so firm for her decision, she wants to move on for herself and hope i will move on too, she holds no chances for our future is because she don't want me to feel hopeless at the end, she hope that we can be friend back and don't be too sad about our past, she feel thankful that i take care of her for that particular months, we had a very serious yet gorgeous relationship that we had never been, but still, love is no right or wrong, we do not care how other people gonna judge us, but i won't want her to let other people saying her bad words, i admitted i still can't let go of her, but instead of giving her happiness, i love her, i will let her go to do what she wants, i don't dare to think about future whether we got the chance to be together or not, but if we are destined to be together, we will be together. But still hopeful that she will realized how important is my love and our relationship and get back to me one day.

Well, it takes some time for me to move on, but at least i felt relief because i do not have questions around whether is because of anxiety or because of attitude, whatever will be, will be. Thanks a lot for my friends and family for giving me great advise even though I am not listening due to thoughts about anxiety, but as I said, when I get an honest answer from her face to face, give a closure, and this is our ending of our relationship.

Her unlucky incident. :(

Well, the case is quite special. Last two months, my girlfriend went to Cambodia with her friends for vacation trip. I keep in touch with her every day in phone. After that, the second day at Cambodia. She started to not feeling well, maybe she is having period and so on but she told me that she gets a very weird yet scary feeling inside her mind. Starting I am not really concern until it goes worst, she is a very tough girl who does not afraid of anything, but this time, she feels fears, she worried that she can't feel herself and decided to back early from Cambodia.

We tried many ways to make her feel better, but she is getting worst. Example like, she looks to a person/friend/family, and she feels that person weird and will suddenly bring her to another mind of thinking. It is quite complicated for me and I was suggested to look for doctors. But I could not figure out which doctor for her to visit. She told me that she can't feel me and she is not feeling well in her heart all the time, sometimes she can't feel herself and she knows that.

I suspected she might be having derealization after some sort of research around, and do ask for some psychologist too.

And recently, she decided to have temporary break up with me just because she don't want to hide her feelings and she don't want me to hurt for so deep, when she is having this problem, she do tell me that if anything happened to her, remember that her heart is actually still loving me. I am so sad of her incident seriously. :'(

She feels bad that she don't have feelings to me in a sudden, she don't want me to feel suffer so she leaves me and asked for temporary break and be friend. I can't accept the fact. We didn do anything wrong, before her incident gone worse, she told me before that she will not leaves me unless i betrayed her, i will be her only one and the last one. But then, when she got this suspected dp that she can't really feel anyone, she told me before that, no matter what happened to her or gone worse, please remember that she will always love me in her heart. :'(

After she requested for temporary break, we have badminton(Sports) session every Wednesday, but that day i was trying to ask about her and wanna have a talk with her one on one, but she was like afraid of me. Until her friend accompany, only she willing to talk with me with friend's accompany outside. She told me she not feeling well when she sees me and she don't know why, she feels so guilty and so afraid of me, and recently she deleted our facebook relationship status, sweet photos of us, instagram photos, and wechat moments. I don't really understand why she wanted to delete all these sweet memories. I am numb and i am trying to keep hold on my nerves for being patient and patient. Well, this is a tough task for me as i have to be tough enough to support her.

On 5th of November, the day after our monthsary, we have quarrel a while and i still cant hold my nerves! because I was wanna try to get her back but still useless, she said please give her time and space, don't force her anymore. Well in terms of giving her time and space, I have a lot of comments, some would say give her time and space by not contacting her until she feel misses me or needs me and then she will find me back. Some would say I must keep on contact with her to let her know that I will always support her and be by her side all the time but I worried that this will make her even worst.

When time passes by, i felt a little bit open-minded eventhough the process keep on up and down, i was very depressed of myself, until i joined DP/DR Forum which can get to know more about people who suffered from DP/DR. Below words are one of the DP/DR person who gives comment to me.

"Coming from someone with DP I can understand why she'd take a break from you. Sometimes with DP you know you love someone deep down but you just don't feel it because your emotions are numbed. You just feel numb to everything, for example if you bought her gifts she'd have accepted them with thanks but deep down not cared because she's numb. There's nothing you can do to break this numbness. But here's what I suggest to do.

Call her and tell her you understand that she's numb right now, you understand that she's seeing you another way because of the DP but tell her that it's fine. Tell her you understand that DP can put you in a state where this happens, tell her you've spoken to me and others with DP that feel just like her and you're really trying to help. Tell her that you're okay having a break, but you want to stay in touch with her and help her anyway. Don't be mistaken dude, she knows your love is geniuine she just cares for you and doesn't want to hurt you by being numb all the time. Tell her you're here to help her through it and also, so are we here at DPSELFHELP, it's a horrible condition and make sure she has all the support she can get.

Just make sure she knows you're not trying to force a relationship, you're not trying to fix things but you're here just to help her. She wants a break, so give her one. But always let here know that you're there to help as a friend foremost. Don't think too much about fixing things for the future, just try and support her in the now as a friend."

What he said is correct and sounds reasonable. Well I as her BF, i should not leave her alone by not contacting her at all and make her started to miss me, it is quite impossible because she is feeling numbed and lost any feeling and emotions, no matter how she will not text me and yet i should be tough enough to get to her, support her, be by her side, even as a friend for her, as long as she is feeling comfortable. I believe one day she will come back to her real ownself and finds me back.

Lastly, the most important is me. I am facing a tough task especially my patience and toughness, i should be tough and strong enough to keep in touch with her and let her feels that i will be there for help all the time. I think i should call her tonight and cares about her so she will feel supported. Hope everything will be alright and smooth. Just want her to be better. I love her, Amanda Cheesy. :')

10:42am

Tuesday

17/11/2015

The Road.

Well, it is been two weeks that she asked for temporary break for 3 months. But everything doesn't seems as it be.

She is feeling afraid of me when she sees me, at the same time she is feeling guilty of me. It was kinda hurt for me when she deletes some of her insta or fb post about us, even deleted our fb relationship status. I hold on, telling her that i am alright. But end up my attitude ruins everything.

Until last thursday, because I could not accept the fact still, i decided to tell out all my feelings to her, we have a little quarrel in the phone because i do not believe that she can completely forget our relationship in a sudden, maybe is the feeling that curses her. I don't know, she just said "Not give me some time and space hmm?" I started to feel wake up, i think that i should not be so greedy. I should not just think of myself and did not think of her. Actually she should be the one who suffered even more than me, i know she does not want to decide to have temporary break to me. End up i promised her, because i seems like real understand of her heart. She does need alone, to think, and also time and space for her to figure out herself, find back her smile, find back everything. I guess she don't want me to have some hurt or bad things in our long relationships, she rather to let me have her real ownselves in our own relationship. She must be suffered a lot, a lot.

But i have face a lot of tough tasks which are, how do i face my friends, colleagues, and family? When they asked, i answered like we are still together, but my heart is pain once i answered all these. I don't want them to worried about me and feel like bad news for them, especially my family. They are so happy when i have her. I am stressful and pain when they asked me about her, but i have to keep tough and tough and tough all the time. Other than that, eventhough i was trying to make myself busy, but end up insomnia at late night, dreaming of her every night, the feeling was like i thought we were together but when wake up, everything is nothing.

I worried that after three months, she will asked me to move on also, i can agreed to have temporary break and give her time and space, but i cant' accept real break, i will gone crazy. No matter what will happened, i will always chase her back, get her back to me, as long as she is comfortable. The road i am moving right now will be extreme tough as it torturing me almost everytime, but A man should be tougher than a woman, and i hope ONE DAY she will understand why i will do all these things, why i will not give up on her.

Just because, I LOVE HER! :'))))

Monday
3:02pm
9/11/2015

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Life

Happy Birthday to my Ex-Girlfriend :)

The End

Derealization/Depersonalization by her?

The Road

晴天 Sunny Day

Three Months

SUFFER

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